Hypnagogue

Hypnagogue: an agent that induces drowsiness or sleep.

ie. church, CEO presentations and daytime television

Cafe Nichole

Here is the menu for Nikki!

Appetizer: deep fried apple crisps served with a creamy cinnamon spiced brie
Paired with an icy lemon cherry iced tea

Salad: slaw of purple cabbage, cocktail onions and grated green papaya with a strawberry vinagrette
Paired with: sparkling water with lemon and lime zest

Main Course: garlic stuffed pork chops with a jalapeno orange glaze sided by a black bean puree and wilted and sea salted beet greens
Paired with: an icy and frothy oatmeal stout

Desert: fresh baked gingerbread served warm and in a pool of lemoncello liquer and topped with the freshest of whipped creams
Paired with: a vodka lemon drop with a blueberry sugared rim

How Well Do We Really Know Our Family Members?

So on a recent fine summer day I was working in beautiful San Francisco. I happened to get an afternoon off and with boyfriend in tow, went to the SFMOMA. I was shocked and suprised to find among the Picassos, Barneys, Dalis, and Khedoris this painting by Marcelino Goncalves. Who knew? And how do I explain this to my boyfriend?

Charissee Menu

Appetizer: cubed Ahi tuna on a cloud of radish mousse served upon crisp coconut oil and lime juice sauteed potatoe wafers
Paired with: watermelon tinged water with a lemon sugar rim

Salad: tossed salad of mustard greens, garlic blossoms and baby peas drizzled with a creamy Chardonnay and lemon oil dressing
Paired with: iced jasmine tea with a thin stick of vanilla

Main Course: tender quail breasts with a braise of lavender garlic oil sprinkled with pine infused toasted bread crumbs accompanied by a mixed steam of asparagus tops and capers with a pale ale and white cheddar sauce
Paired with: sparkling white grape juice over cubes of lilac scented (and flower encased) ice-cubes

Dessert: rose water flavored creme brulee with fire torched rose petal and sugar crust
Paired with: a dry champagne poured over crushed cinnamon scented ice

Suzy Q Menu

Appetizer: mini-cornbread muffins positioned in a pool of liquid cherry honey butter, red and yellow beet slice stacks roasted with olive oil, rosemary and black pepper and topped with a poof of black truffle mousse
Paired with: an icy glass of buttermilk cut with 2% milk

Salad: thinly sliced portabello mushroom sauteed in olive oil, Worcestershire, and maple syrup served over steamed baby spinach
Paired with: a sparkling water with floats of extreemely thin sliced strawberry

Main Course: filet mignon medallions stuffed with buttered lobster chunks and placed in a spicy green peppercorn sauce with a serving of a sauteed zuchinni that has been hollowed out and filled with a delightful mixture of chopped garlic, mushroom, fresh herbs and brie
Paired with: a glass of white cranberry juice over frozen red cranberry juice cubes

Dessert: a culinary rapture of light whipped orange cream with candied orange peel and dark chocolate pieces served in a bowl of fired sugar and sprinkled with honeysuckle glazed and candied purple pansies
Paired with: Hawaiian ginger infused sparkling water with a rimming of raw sugar

Perfect Pairings

Bombay Sapphire is holding a contest where you create "perfect pairings" of cocktails and cuisine. What fun that would be to compete in! Or even to watch / taste the action. I think I would win with my master menu:

oysters on the half shell with a dollop of horseradish, garnish of Osetra and spritzed with jalapeno vodka
paired with a cocktail of iced vodka with lemon zest w/ a fresh ground black pepper and honey rim.

peeled grape, cilantro, and purple onion salad with a fresh lime vinagrette
paired with a sparkling champagne with a float of blackberry brandy whipped cream

main course of garlic oil rubbed steak tartar tenderly cupping a delicate portion of buttery fois gras accented with fennel and sided by crisp sauteed strips of pumpkin with whipped cinnamon honey butter
paired with a nice Chilean cabernet

desert would consist of a warm pear puree with nested "eggs" of vanilla ice cream with butterscotch shavings
paired with a buttery Chardonnay

and then for the Grand Finale
Hot Sex

Ha ha! Top that Emeril! You priviledged SOB!

Boys and cheese

I recently took my beautiful nephew Ethan on his first airplane flight from Salt Lake City to Las Vegas. He was going to stay a little over a week with his cousin Austin.
The flight with Ethan was hysterical and predictable at times.
I thought I might have to console or comfort him at least a couple of times. WRONG!!! Where was the timid and uber-cautious boy I used to know? Not once did his brow sport even a bead of moist concern!
It was all excitement on the way to the airport. He was obviously disappointed at the security line (where according to him, his mother had told him to expect hot tracking security lights, barb-wire and manned machine-gun positions). He then grew impatient waiting for boarding. Excitement returned upon boarding but he was still cool enought to assume a blase position upon being seated . This worldly ease increased with the addition of Dino's i-pod. Then boredom again during taxing "This is boring! It is just like driving, only in a plane!" Take off was great and was followed by no less than 3 minutes of awe and excited interest before boredom returned. Lucky for us it is a short flight. The landing was excellent as the plane cruised down the entirety of the Las Vegas strip at virtually eye-level. And we retrieved our bags and were picked up and were off to Kurt and Elizabeths. Note the maturity of the picture. This is a man in the know.... sage wisdom has settled comfortably on his noble brow.

After about a week with Austin I had a day off and went to collect the boys and take them out for a frolick. The love of cousindom was wearing thin and they were bickering like an old married couple. We went to the Atomic Testing Museum which both of them really enjoyed... however, never did the same exhibit please both of them. One was alway entranced by what the other deemed BORING!

Then it was off to the Treasure Island for a quick lunch and some previously promised pool time. Oh just imagine my dismay when I showed up at the pool, full of adults holding their beers etc., standing room only in the pool, flirting, drinking... etc. And what did I bring to the party? Two adorable young boys, full of youthful exhuberance and energy. I believe I would have been more welcome had I arrived with an industrial sized bucket full of eels and released them into the pool.

We lasted about 5 minutes. I placated them with about $40 of arcade play before it was time to take them back home.

As we got into my car the boys noticed that the cheddar sticks I had bought them for snacks had melted in their clear plastic packaging and asked excitedly... "Aunt Michele, can we put this under the wheel and drive over it?" To which I shrugged and said "sure".

And that was all they could talk about on the way home. I should not be suprised to find out that after all the effort and money I could have been a hero to two young boys by just buying $3.00 of cheese snacks and running over them with my car. That sounds about right where kids are concerned. Bless their sweet simple souls!

3 Reasons I forgot my sweet sister's birthday

Reason #1- I spent all day driving from Las Vegas to Tucson

Arizona drivers are assholes. This fact needs to be understood. They drive too fast. They tailgate you. They feel the need to establish their right to merge ahead of you when their lane runs out due to construction (that has been obviously warned of for the last mile and a half). They urgently pull out into oncoming traffic in a "NO PASSING" zone just to get one car ahead. I swear that a few of the cars I saw passing were going to end up upside down in a ditch. And I cross my heart and hope to die that if I did see one of those cars in such a state, I wouldn't help them. I wouldn't call 911. If I slowed down at all it would be to honk and give them the bird.

Reason #2 - Along with the all day drive and asshole drivers came TORRENTIAL RAIN

With the first few splashes against my windshield Boo reminded me that I had not changed his windshield wipers. I realized a bit further into the storm that it wouldn't have mattered. My wipers set to hyper drive I still couldn't see a thing when the semis would pass me on the two lane highway and dump a swimming pools volume of water on my little car. All these tense driving conditions coupled with being exhausted from being on the road for a month and the sum of three Monster energy drinks to combat said exhaustion, led to a jittery white-knuckled drive I would rather not repeat.

Reason #3 - Mean bathroom attendants

Just 45 minutes to an hour from home, Dino and I realized that we were not going to make it biologically without a break. So with a 1/2 hour of no resources in either direction we stopped at the one gas station in the middle of what promised to be a sure biological failure zone. The barely English speaking girl half gestured and half orated that she had just mopped the bathroom floors and having physically barred access to them with yellow "CUIDADO" signs informed us that we could not use them. *(see notes about bigotry and bias at bottom) We wandered the convenience store and attempted to distract ourselves from our urgently growing needs. After about 15 minutes we ventured over to the still barred bathrooms and found the floors to be dry. Trying to be polite Dino asked the girl if we could use the bathrooms now as the floors were dry. The girl gave Dino a dirty look and shook her head "no". Well, after this unexplained and cruel denial we decided to just go ahead and use them. I went in, did my business, bought some candy and went out to the car. A split moment later Dino emerged saying "Quick, drive! Drive!" My obvious question of "What did you do? What in gods name did you do?" went unanswered until we were safely on the highway. It seems my sweet sensitive loving man had doffed his road-weary and sweaty man panties and stuffed them into the tank of the toilet before leaving. Apparently in man circles this procedure has an actual term "topping" , although the item routinely used in the "topping" is not so benign as the undies used in this case. Now as you all recoil in horror I am sure you all realize in this example, a topic for a new blog: Do Men Ever Outgrow Being Boys (and doing gross boy things)?

***Note on bigotry and bias*** When people are nice you tend to overlook their differences (whether legitimately "good" or "bad") . But when people are mean and rude, everything different about them becomes fuel for bias and bigoted dislike. "That skinny bitch. Fat bastard. Lazy Mexican. Dumb blonde. Religious prude" Etcetera. This does not necessarily mean that the person is indeed a racist, misogynist or bigot... just cranky and feeling ill-treated. Does this mean I condone underwear in the toilet tank? No. But neither do I condone cruelty by gas station employees either.

I HEART GECKOS!

Late the other night I was sorting through our mail in the kitchen and I took a short step to reach across the table and felt something wriggle under my foot and the run out across the floor. The size and blond color of a small cricket, this creature did not scramble like a cricket. This critter scrambled like it was struggling to get a grip on the slick surface of the floor. I chased it out from under the sofa and beheld the adorable little monster. A teeny tiny gecko, no bigger than the middle joint of my pinky finger. After a couple of failed attempts to pick it up (very timid attempts lest I crush its delicate body), I used a piece of paper to coax it into my hand. After it crawled into my hand it calmed down and sat still as I carried it downstairs and released it into the cool of the night. I hope it found a nice home outside where it will not be in peril of being stepped on. I hope that it grows big and strong and has baby geckos. I hope the *f-ing* pidgeons don't eat it.