3 Reasons I forgot my sweet sister's birthday

Reason #1- I spent all day driving from Las Vegas to Tucson

Arizona drivers are assholes. This fact needs to be understood. They drive too fast. They tailgate you. They feel the need to establish their right to merge ahead of you when their lane runs out due to construction (that has been obviously warned of for the last mile and a half). They urgently pull out into oncoming traffic in a "NO PASSING" zone just to get one car ahead. I swear that a few of the cars I saw passing were going to end up upside down in a ditch. And I cross my heart and hope to die that if I did see one of those cars in such a state, I wouldn't help them. I wouldn't call 911. If I slowed down at all it would be to honk and give them the bird.

Reason #2 - Along with the all day drive and asshole drivers came TORRENTIAL RAIN

With the first few splashes against my windshield Boo reminded me that I had not changed his windshield wipers. I realized a bit further into the storm that it wouldn't have mattered. My wipers set to hyper drive I still couldn't see a thing when the semis would pass me on the two lane highway and dump a swimming pools volume of water on my little car. All these tense driving conditions coupled with being exhausted from being on the road for a month and the sum of three Monster energy drinks to combat said exhaustion, led to a jittery white-knuckled drive I would rather not repeat.

Reason #3 - Mean bathroom attendants

Just 45 minutes to an hour from home, Dino and I realized that we were not going to make it biologically without a break. So with a 1/2 hour of no resources in either direction we stopped at the one gas station in the middle of what promised to be a sure biological failure zone. The barely English speaking girl half gestured and half orated that she had just mopped the bathroom floors and having physically barred access to them with yellow "CUIDADO" signs informed us that we could not use them. *(see notes about bigotry and bias at bottom) We wandered the convenience store and attempted to distract ourselves from our urgently growing needs. After about 15 minutes we ventured over to the still barred bathrooms and found the floors to be dry. Trying to be polite Dino asked the girl if we could use the bathrooms now as the floors were dry. The girl gave Dino a dirty look and shook her head "no". Well, after this unexplained and cruel denial we decided to just go ahead and use them. I went in, did my business, bought some candy and went out to the car. A split moment later Dino emerged saying "Quick, drive! Drive!" My obvious question of "What did you do? What in gods name did you do?" went unanswered until we were safely on the highway. It seems my sweet sensitive loving man had doffed his road-weary and sweaty man panties and stuffed them into the tank of the toilet before leaving. Apparently in man circles this procedure has an actual term "topping" , although the item routinely used in the "topping" is not so benign as the undies used in this case. Now as you all recoil in horror I am sure you all realize in this example, a topic for a new blog: Do Men Ever Outgrow Being Boys (and doing gross boy things)?

***Note on bigotry and bias*** When people are nice you tend to overlook their differences (whether legitimately "good" or "bad") . But when people are mean and rude, everything different about them becomes fuel for bias and bigoted dislike. "That skinny bitch. Fat bastard. Lazy Mexican. Dumb blonde. Religious prude" Etcetera. This does not necessarily mean that the person is indeed a racist, misogynist or bigot... just cranky and feeling ill-treated. Does this mean I condone underwear in the toilet tank? No. But neither do I condone cruelty by gas station employees either.